Advice for Newlyweds

The wedding is over and you find that everyone is interested in giving newlywed advice.Your husband and you have had a few little arguments but nothing major. Still, you are discovering more and more that two becoming one takes self control and extra love, especially as you get used to adapting routines, traditions and expectations.

Certainly the joys of a great marriage outweigh the difficulties, yet there still are difficulties that need to be managed before they become problems. There is a great saying “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and that really rings true for good marriages. That is why we present ten great pieces of advice for newlyweds.

great suggestions for keeping love alive

Learning to communicate well is crucial for a happy marriage.

Ten Important Pieces of Newlywed Advice

1. Confront conflicts constructively by dealing with issues head on.

Many couples will find that they get upset by something their spouse has said or done. When you are fist married, it is understandable to want to let things slide and many seasoned couples could learn a thing or two from that mentality. But at the same time, if something is really bothering you and you feel that it is something that might be manifested another time, speak up. Avoiding accusations is crucial, speaking in “I feel” statements will allow you to express needs without provoking an argument. Avoiding discussion all together can lead you to lash out on everything else and the core issue is never addressed. Realizing that speaking honestly and avoiding passive aggression will make both spouses feel that they can be honest with the other.

2. Keep personal problems personal.

You may be tempted to share your frustration or information about a fight to your friends, but that can be a bad road to take. Your friends exposure to your spouse is limited, while they know and love you. Because of this, they may find themselves not liking your spouse, when in fact your husband is great and there is a lot more to him than his moment of weakness. In fact, look for ways to speak well of your spouse and be ready to defend him. Your love and admiration can grow as you speak well of him. And try to avoid arguing in front of your friends!

3. If planning for the wedding is important, planning for marriage is infinitely more important.

Just as there are hundreds of details to discuss for the wedding, planning for marriage should consist of many conversations and the conversations should persist throughout the marriage. Decide who will take which responsibilities once you are married and discuss how you’re going to spend your time. Talk about kids and finances. Dr Phil’s advice for newlyweds? “Talk about long-term planning and goals and what each of you wants the other to support. Come up with a plan that you can both be excited about.” But just as little details and roadblocks creep up on the wedding planning process, unanticipated difficulties will arise in marriage.

4. Create a strong foundation.

Believe it or not, marriages create cultures. This can be on purpose or by accident. What you do with your time, whether together or nor, will become the foundation for your marriage. The things you say to each other become tradition and it creates a culture of what is acceptable and what is not. Whether or not you enjoy the same activities,ost happy marriages have a culture where making each other laugh is just part of every day life. Saying I love you and looking for ways to make your spouse happy will become part of your culture. So choose well!

5. Discuss finances.

You may now be living on two salaries, but don’t let that fool you. Financial advisors recommend that newlyweds live off one income and use the other for saving and investments. And retirement may seem far away, but making a savings plan now will help you avoid the various and surprising stresses that can come with aging. If you do not plan for it now, you may retire with nothing. Again this goes back to your culture. Making a culture of saving and looking forward to enjoying a comfortable retirement will help you prioritize spending.

Keeping love alive is all about your commitment to each other.

Keeping love alive is all about your commitment to each other.


6. It is OK and sometimes recommended to go to bed mad.

Your grandmother may not like this one, but the old adage of “never go to bed mad,” is often terrible newlywed advice. Have you ever gotten angry in the evening when you are really tired? Most people have difficulty thinking straight and therefore are more vulnerable to saying something that will further the problem instead of fix it. Or they take things personally because their reasoning abilities are just not all the way there. Of course the idea behind the adage is that pushing off making up is destructive. And in that sense, it can be. That is why it is good to plan with your spouse a time in the near future to discuss the issue. And then stick with the set time!

7. Make guidelines for family/friends time.

Balancing other relationships after you are married is one of the hardest yet important parts of settling into your new lifestyle. The need for friends and family support continues into marriage and your relationships with them will effect your happiness. Discuss with your spouse how often and for how long will you spend time with friends. Are there certain days of the week or hours in the day that would be better for visiting than others? How often will you visit each others families? Are their activities that you prefer to participate in or refrain from when with each others’ families. Having clear expectations will help you both adapt better to each others’ needs and will encourage the formation of friendships.

 

8. Have you time.

The most happy of marriages consist of couples who spend time alone. They have some different interests and have needs for breathing room. This is ok and in fact, it is perfectly healthy. Sometimes people who have been married for years have a sudden realization that they have stopped doing things that they loved to do when they were single. Of course that does not mean you need to travel the world without your husband, but try to maintain the hobbies that you have always enjoyed. When you have control over your own mental health, you can contribute more to your marriage. It is a win-win for everyone.

9. Break your routine.

It may be easy to plop in front of the TV every night, but it is crucial to spend quality time every week in order to keep love lasting. If dating is important before marriage, dating is even more important after marriage. With so much going on every day, planned time together will become crucial to the quality of your marriage. So get up. Look nice for each other and spend special time just talking and enjoying each others’ company.

10. And probably the best newlywed advice? Listen to advice from those whose marriages you’d like to follow.

Newlywed Advice

You have probably received marriage advice from people whose marriages you do not really respect. They have good intentions and want what is best for you. Yet your marriage is different and you soon realize that some advice just is not good or not trustworthy. Find people who you admire and whose marriages you would like to emulate. Then listen. If you admire their marriage, their advice is probably the best thing you could listen to.

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